I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
