I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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