also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
