2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
