Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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