My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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