Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
