I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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