One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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