i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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