I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
