I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
