Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
