you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
