I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
