ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
