I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
