stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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