Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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