We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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