The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
