just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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