Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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