I think I am morally bankrupt
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
