wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
