Need sex. Gaining weight.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will be naked everywhere
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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