never play flip cup with pint glasses
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
