I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
