you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
