i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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