and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
