Already got asked if we're dating
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
