im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
