It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
