Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
