Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
