Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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