if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
