I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
