Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
