y did u give ur computer a hand job?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
