You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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