you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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