I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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