I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
