im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
