Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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