Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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