Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
