My brain says no but my pants say off.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
