Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
