Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
