It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
