hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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