Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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