i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
