She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
