somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
