worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
