Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
