it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
